Friday, April 22, 2005

Hava Tequila

A fun, twisted take on the meaning of Passover, as related by Jewish superheroes, courtesy of Even more Twisted ToyFare Theatre.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Headline du Jourm, Article du Minute

Awesomeawesomeawesome.

Canadian cardinals defend new pope, saying the world needs an attitude change

Eerily, the Canadian arm of the Catholic Church has channeled my Presbyterian mother with their "I'm not the one with the problem, YOU'RE the one with the problem" speech. Now they'll just sit back and wait for the masses to happily return to the fold!

Equally fun is the article itself, starting with the misprint in the first paragraph. (I'm adding a dash and officially starting the rumour that they've elected a computer, Benedict XV-1.)

The huh?-worthiest section was this:
Benedict - also once known by harsh nicknames including the Panzer Cardinal, the Rottweiler and Cardinal 'No' - is misunderstood because his job was to defend traditional church doctrine for nearly 25 years, the cardinals said. As a cardinal, it was often Benedict's job to crack down on Catholics who strayed from church teachings... "Not only is he German, he had the most terrible job you can have," said Jean-Claude Cardinal Turcotte of Montreal, one of the more liberal Canadian cardinals who was first to speak up to defend Benedict. "He had the unappreciated task of being in front of many battles. He did it remarkably well, but it may be natural that he has an image that is a bit negative."

(I love the subtle point that being German should elicit sympathy.)

Here are my questions:
1) If it's a "terrible job", does that not imply that you don't believe what you're - quite literally - preaching?
2) If you don't believe what you're preaching, why not quit?
3) Have none of the cardinals read any of Ratzinger's position statements?

This is not a happy guy; this is a guy who sounds like he quite enjoys saying 'no.' And Toronto's bishops, in supporting him, should get accustomed to hearing that both from the pope and their dwindling flock.

Put The Book Down & Move AWAY From The Stovepipe Hat...

Oh dear God, did I have some fun with this: Bush Harks Back to Lincoln's Example

So he chose the opening a presidential library versus attending a commemoration in Oklahoma City? It's hard to dumb down to W's level to figure out what was going through his famously thick head, but it may just be as simple as "library=me look smart". Or possibly he still can't come to terms with terrorist acts perpetrated by white Americans (The Iraqi people would like to point out the irony of that).

Bush sought to draw a connection between Lincoln's efforts to expand the concept of liberty by abolishing slavery and America's current initiatives to promote democracy in Iraq, Afghanistan and other countries with authoritarian pasts. To that, I say BWAAAA HA HA HA! The connection is CHAINS; but Abe went the unshackling route, whereas W and his new AG have been gleefully clapping them on anyone who dares dissent to his administration.

Bush, who has called Lincoln his favorite president... Wonder how Bush41 feels about that? And, seriously, how much longer before it becomes the vogue to call Nixon the greatest prez in history?

"In a small way, I can relate to the Rail-Splitter from out West, because he had a way of speaking that was not always appreciated by newspapers back East." *sigh* Lincoln was considered a country bumpkin by those educated Easterners who followed his inauguration and first troubled years as President , but they soon learned to appreciate his intelligence and wit. I love the descriptiveness of this quote recounting an early Lincoln speech to the East: "When Lincoln rose to speak, I was greatly disappointed. He was tall, tall--oh, how tall! and so angular and awkward that I had, for an instant, a feeling of pity for so ungainly a man....But pretty soon he began to get into his subject; he straightened up, made regular and graceful gestures; his face lighted as with an inward fire; the whole man was transfigured. I forgot his clothes, his personal appearance, and his individual peculiarities. Presently, forgetting myself, I was on my feet with the rest, yelling like a wild Indian, cheering this wonderful man." Compare and contrast, if you will, with W's performance in the less-than-historical Bush-Kerry debate; here we have his "regular and graceful gestures" (and some would argue he never did "get into his subject.")

Obama, the only African American in the 100-member Senate, said Lincoln "was not a perfect man nor a perfect president." By contemporary standards, his condemnation of slavery seemed tentative, Obama said, and he sometimes yielded to political pressures. Good for Barack. Virtually since April 15th, 1865, Lincoln has been championed in cariacature, and is very rarely seen as the shades-of-gray character he actually was. Calling him The Great Emancipator, for instance, is a lot easier than calling him The Guy Who Freed Slaves Then Tried To Ship Them Off To Liberia.

Granted, the out-of-sight-out-of-mind trick is such a band-aid solution it just might appeal to W's sense of simplicity (note: you can even remove "sense of", there). Imagine solving "the gay issue" by deporting them all to some far-off tropical island? Not only would he make America "safe" for all the gun-toting Bible nuts , he'll single-handedly* create the rockin'-est resort destination going... Think of the Presidential library they'll erect there! Man, I wish I had a congressman to write - I'm planning my vacation already!



*(ahem)**

**The preceding smutty double-double-entendre*** of Bush masturbation to thoughts of Gay Gomorrah-land was purely unintentional. Sort of. But just for fun, discuss: Would Lincoln still be his favourite president even if he really was gay?

***Double-double-entendres coming soon to your local Tim Hortons.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Word of the Moment: Pontificate

Pontificate, v.

1. Administer a pontifical office
2. talk in a dogmatic and pompous manner

Habemus Problem

Chalk up another victory to the "dark side" of the far right - they've now got a Pope (Benedict, apparently, though he'll always be Ratzinger to me) to go along with their American administration (and, soon, the American Supreme Court, which Bush will stack with like-thinkers just as J2P2 did his Council of Cardinals.)

So much for the Catholic church making a giant leap for mankind; instead they've chosen a man who will even more firmly root them in the 19th (yes, I meant 19th) century. Witness: Yahoo says Ratzinger has made clear in recent speeches that he will brook no dissent and will block debate on issues such as women priests, priestly celibacy, abortion and homosexuality. While this former Hitler Youth was unenthusiastic in military service, he seems to enjoy authoritarianism in its religious and political forms, at least. Call him The Calcitrant Pope.

Happily, his election seems to be something of a death knell for "Old Europe"-an and liberal American Catholicism. Disappointment from some of these in the crowd at St Peter's has gotten a decent amount of ink. Some of my favourite quotes:

"We consider the election of Ratzinger as a catastrophe," said Bernd Goehring of German ecumenical group Kirche von Unten. "It is very disappointing, even if it was predictable. We can expect no reform from him in the coming years..."

"It's a historic moment, but a very sad one. He is even more conservative than John Paul II. All he knows how to do is condemn, condemn, condemn," said Agusti Capdevila from Barcelona...

"This is the guy who's been in charge of stifling dissent in the church," said lawyer Carmen Durso, who represented dozens of plaintiffs in clergy abuse lawsuits against the Boston archdiocese...


A Vatican apologist was interviewed by the BBC the night John Paul died - I had a good laugh at his earnest assertion that the death notice's being sent by email was a great example of the church's modernity. I think a more effective symbol will be a graph of Africa's AIDS toll during the next few years of this new pontificate.