Spammity-Spam

These days, I seem to be averaging about 25 spam emails a day in my various inboxes. Luckier than most, I guess, though it still ticks me off when any of my precious time is wasted, even if it's a couple of seconds per email. Every once in a while, though, I get one that I actually appreciate. Here's today's:

FW : What do people with big pen1ses eat for breakfast? I bet you don't know....

I especially like how the tone shifts from the original, testosteroned, body-part mockery to that of a provocation from a catty, faux-worldly high school slut. (For the record, my response would probably be far more direct and far less printable that what she would expect, but then, a) I've had more time to think about it than my fictional, slutty challenger, and b) she is fictional, which kinda takes the *snap!* out of it...)

As fun as that one was, my all-time favourite spam remains the out-loud-laugh-inducing:

Too young to get drunk and see pussy?

... mostly because the accompanying text was even funnier than the title.

So, my future spammers, take note: I seem to be drawn to forthrightly smutty and/or profane subjects. If you must clog my inbox, send me more of those. :)

I'm Due For An I-Told-You-So...

Half my life ago, a coworker worriedly talked about finding out that the apparently nice man living next door to her was Wolfgang Droege. She only realised this when a piece of swastika-ed mail was misdelivered to her apartment, but spent the next few months before she moved in a panic that someone would come to "get" him, but accidentally "get" her instead if they chanced to ring the wrong doorbell. I distinctly remember telling her not to worry, after all, what were the chances? Apparently a bit higher than I'd guessed at the time!

Wolfgang Droege, former head of neo-Nazi group, shot dead in Toronto:
"Wolfgang Droege, the one-time leader of white supremacist group the Heritage Front, was shot dead Wednesday in a normally quiet residential neighbourhood in the east end of Toronto."

Man, Toronto's tolerance level has increased significantly this spring... Mostly by attrition.

Word of the Moment: Creole

Inspired by a friend's visit to New Orleans.

creole, adj
1: a person of European descent born in the West Indies or Latin America
2: a person descended from French ancestors in southern United States (especially Louisiana)
3: a mother tongue that originates from contact between two languages

Pragmatism Handbook

Being an adherent to pragmatism (some would say I'm with the sect known as "cold hearted bitches"), I found this list of 10 Things I Have Learned inspired a lot of cold-hearted, bitchy head-nodding on my part. e.g.

Number 3
SOME PEOPLE ARE TOXIC AVOID THEM.
This is a subtext of number one. There was in the sixties an old geezer named Fritz Perls who was a gestalt therapist. Gestalt therapy derives from art history, it proposes you must understand the ‘whole’ before you can understand the details. What you have to look at is the entire culture, the entire family and community and so on. Perls proposed that in all relationships people could be either toxic or nourishing towards one another. It is not necessarily true that the same person will be toxic or nourishing in every relationship, but the combination of any two people in a relationship produces toxic or nourishing consequences. And the important thing that I can tell you is that there is a test to determine whether someone is toxic or nourishing in your relationship with them. Here is the test: You have spent some time with this person, either you have a drink or go for dinner or you go to a ball game. It doesn’t matter very much but at the end of that time you observe whether you are more energised or less energised. Whether you are tired or whether you are exhilarated. If you are more tired then you have been poisoned. If you have more energy you have been nourished. The test is almost infallible.

Word of the Moment: Apocrypha (By Way Of Apocryphal)

Apocryphal, adj.

1: of questionable authenticity
2. of or belonging to the apocrypha

And since you asked...

Apocrypha, n.
The name given to certain ancient books which found a place in the LXX. and Latin Vulgate versions of the Old Testament, and were appended to all the great translations made from them in the sixteenth century, but which have no claim to be regarded as in any sense parts of the inspired Word.

(1.) They are not once quoted by the New Testament writers, who frequently quote from the LXX. Our Lord and his apostles confirmed by their authority the ordinary Jewish canon, which was the same in all respects as we now have it.

(2.) These books were written not in Hebrew but in Greek, and during the "period of silence," from the time of Malachi, after which oracles and direct revelations from God ceased till the Christian era.

(3.) The contents of the books themselves show that they were no part of Scripture. The Old Testament Apocrypha consists of fourteen books, the chief of which are the Books of the Maccabees, the Books of Esdras, the Book of Wisdom, the Book of Baruch, the Book of Esther, Ecclesiasticus, Tobit, Judith, etc. The New Testament Apocrypha consists of a very extensive literature, which bears distinct evidences of its non-apostolic origin, and is utterly unworthy of regard.*

*Source: Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary

This adds to my theory that tactlessness is part and parcel of religion. It goes along with the "I'm right and you're wrong" sentiments that have led to so much war and suffering throughout history...

The Hazards Of Being A Middle Manager

I've seen this story twice now, but as there is very little supporting evidence to be found on the web, I'm not convinced it isn't apocryphal. Still, it didn't stop me from gleefully showing it to my boss - after all, I've gotta keep him in line somehow.

Union Brig. Gen. Thomas Wilson, an 1837 West Point graduate from Michigan and New York, was killed in a peculiar way. He was literally blown up into pieces. His volunteer soldiers wanted no part of his strict discipline and harsh treatments. He fell into the carefully prepared traps twice in the occupied North Carolina but escaped death. The rank and file had no other way to voice their grievance or escaped future punishment. For self-preservation, fragging may be their only way out of their 'box.' When transferred to the West, the western soldiers were more daring. Wilson was seized by his own men and was held in front of their cannon as target, being blown to pieces.

Oh, Canada...

This kind of story makes me unaccountably patriotic, partially because you know this kind of thing would never happen in the US. I love that at least some of our politicians don't take themselves too seriously...

Revenue Minister Takes Canadians in on April 1:

Canada's top tax collector had the citizens of Ottawa up in arms on Friday morning when he announced a plan to force them to file their taxes electronically if they wanted a refund before Christmas.

Revenue Minister John McCallum said on a local CBC radio show he was launching a pilot project in Ottawa called 'E-file or Else,' with long delays and even a 5 percent surcharge for paper filers.

This prompted calls voicing outrage because some people do not have computers and in any case some had already filed their tax returns.

Before the early morning program went off the air, McCallum's voice came on once more: "To all the taxpayers of Ottawa, April Fools' Day."

Another year the show had a minister proclaiming that the government was replacing the clock on Parliament's Peace Tower -- similar to the British Parliament's Big Ben -- with a digital version.

I Agree

This sick-n-twisted webcomic is awesome.